Earthworms and God

Today as I was gardening and mulling over the state of the world in this moment In time, I gained an awareness of God and his message lying in front of me in the soil, so poignant and so clear. While I worked on yard prep for a wedding, God was working on my faith.

My mind was mulling on humanity with all our differences: giftings, personalities, character qualities, comfort levels, wounds, pain, experiences and how each of these shape and mold us into avoiding or pursuing interactions. How each of our choices to interact are driven largely by comfort or discomfort due to past and pain. In a nutshell, fear is a driving factor that we are innately out of touch with.

In my personal life when my husband experiences anger, am I defensive and arguing that I didn’t do wrong, deeply fearful that like my earthly fathers anger it will mean that I am unacceptable, unworthy of his love, or not good enough for him to love me as I am? Am I even aware of where my return anger and defense come from? The message his anger carried for me? Can I know my worth and my value securely and be aware that his anger is evidence of injustice or pain or a message of worth or unworthiness or violation that said to his heart that he did not matter to me? and do I stop and take time to acknowledge and care for his pain, his hurt? Do I take the time to give him assurance, reassurance or the respect that he needs?

Often we fear that if we care we will care at the expense of our perspective. We will be blamed and seen unworthy. It is not either/or. It is and has to be ‘and’. You matter..and...I matter. You need care and understanding ....and....please try to understand me as well. Relationships take two that can care, give and allow freedom. Freedom for both experiences to be valid and autonomous and to be understood and accepted. Do you need everyone to experience things the same as you in order for them to be valid? Do I have to agree that I am unworthy in order to care for and tend to his perspective and pain? Or can we both rest in our worthiness and care for how actions impacted one or both of us? Do we both strive to not hurt one another that way again since we have a more full knowledge of one another?

As I was mulling and steeping and experiencing the richness of the message of the soil, of the heart and what it takes to work it together, to create loamy soil where there was clay; I was pulling weeds and having trouble getting roots fully out. I came back with my trowel and got some of the grass roots that I knew would return grass where none was needed. I uncovered not one or two beautiful, busy and industrious earthworms but many were evidenced. Inside an 8” sq I saw as many as 7 worms all busy doing the work the Lord gave them to do, tending the soil. Aerating and digesting and turning the soil, making it more rich with nourishment and wormy manure. His message was inherent and resounding. “Look how much more abundantly I am working on this problem than you could ever know. I am just below the surface working more mightily than you could have ever guessed. Where you thought one or two were at work there were many! I am able to do exceedingly and abundantly more than you could have hoped or imagined. ‘Even when you don’t see it I’m working Even when you don’t feel it I’m working. I never stop. I never stop.’”

Humanity. We simply need care. Our neighbors need care. Our friends need care. We don’t have to be afraid. Do not let discomfort or lack hold us back. We only have to care and God will show us how. If he works on soil this richly and industriously, what can he do in hearts and minds and relationships?

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